What to expect when you are expecting...a boy!!

Some friends of ours just found out they are having a boy. They are busy painting the walls, buying a layette, and preparing themselves for their new arrival. It’s cute really. At this point, everything is perfectly placed and beautiful. If they were having a girl, I think things would stay that way but boys are quite different. Sure, everything stays pretty for a few months but once that kid gets control of his feet, look out!! I’ve compiled a list of things they will need in the upcoming years. I’ve learned them all from experience.
Wall putty – I know this is obvious but it’s true. You need wall spackle, a putty knife, and sand paper. This will come in handy when your boy knocks a chair clean through the wall, throws a car at the ceiling, etc. The good thing about this is that you can have a career in wall repair when your son is grown up. (If it’s a big hole….email me. I know some tricks that my dad taught me.)
Matchbox car – Watch this thing like a hawk. Cars are like cockroaches …they will multiply. It will have babies of its own and they will come in all shapes and sizes. They will also hide in the deepest, darkest places it can find, sofa cushions, under pillows; I have even found one in the fridge. Watch it! This also applies for army guys, dinosaurs, Legos, and sports cards. (I recently found several army guys in our kitchen cabinet. One of them had his arms chewed off and the rest were surrounding him, aiming their weapons. Someone had staged a regular ole’ battle surrounded by canned goods and potato chips.)
A remote control – Give it up the day you find out you are having a boy. You can have a million toys for him to play with but he will want to play with the remote, slobber on it, touch the pretty buttons, and when he is older you will have to become a fan of cartoons and sports. (I forgot if I was talking about the daddy or the baby… either way, you won’t be allowed to play with the remote anymore.)
Aspirin – No this is not for a headache. This is for all the times your boy will stop your heart with their fearless attitude. He will walk the edge of pools like a tightrope walker, do flips off the couch, talk to strangers, ride his bike with no hands, climb trees…and jump down, get lost, drive a car – agh!
Tissues – This is for the day your son slides his bike out of the garage and the handle bar leaves a big scratch down the side of your new car; For the day he draws on the freshly painted walls because it looked like fun; For the day he pees on you as you change his diaper; For the day he “drives” a grocery cart down the aisles as fast as he can, knocking down about four cans of sweet pickles and running over old ladies and other small children. This box of tissues is for all those moments as well as… his first day of school, when he gets hurt and wants only you, when you have to leave him to go to work, when he is sick in the middle of the night and you can’t make him better, when he slides you a quick kiss without his friends seeing, when he goes to the prom, college…